How West Ham United Got All Over the New York Flyers

Terence B

Many people ask me, What's that West Ham thing? And what's it doing in the New York Flyers newsletter, Website, etc.?

That West Ham thing is a weekly recounting of the fortunes of my football team, and we do say "we," as in "We played really well last week," as opposed to the American "The Giants are 4 and O with the puck on the third base of the end zone," or some such speak.

Fact: Did you know that according to Google search-engine optimization, four times as many visitors reach the New York Flyers Website by typing in West Ham United than they do by typing in New York Flyers. Incredible, and true.

So, how did it all come about?

Many years ago president Amy S of the Flyers (at the time she had a Volkswagon beetle that was named the Presimobile (little known fact)) had just assumed the Highest Office in the Land and could no longer compile the weekly newsletter (now fortnightly), too, which in those days, days before people actually slept with Blackberries, was all done by the wondrous technology called e-mail, which was in its infancy...it really wasn't long out of nappies, what you call diapers. So, she asked me if I'd have a go, so I did, on one proviso, a small chunk of it might be dedicated to my other true sporting love, the East London football (you know, you call it soccer) club called West Ham United, which I have supported through its downs and more downs since 1973...and as I write we just lost 1-0 to Southampton.

Initially, there was some confusion. I went down through the news, the results, the upcoming social activities, the bemused wailed, and then came across news of strange people called things like Yossi Benayoun, Marlon Harewood, Bobby Zamora and Dean Ashton. Are they Flyers I've never met? No, they were West Ham players, and you'd just reached the VIWHUI section, an acronym for Very Important West Ham United Information.

This is Marlon Harewood of Hammers Fame (of course)

Some Flyers ignored it completely, but slowly, others, a flowing flock of Flyers, went directly there and by reading between the lines and reading the lines actually learnt the secrets of Life and how to run faster. Some scurrilous bunnies that will remain nameless tried to have the section dismantled, saying, spuriously, that it had nothing to do with running. That's not true. On five occasions in the late 90s, when balls were pumped upfield in the great British hoof-it-and-follow-it technique that means we will never ever win the World Cup again, some West Ham players were witnessed actually running to get the ball before the opposition did. I cannot remember if they succeeded.

Then, for reasons still unfathomable to me but I think caused by an outpouring of sympathy connected with the English Mad Cow Disease epidemic, I was awarded Flyer of the Year in 2001, which I remain eternally proud of and grateful for, and so after that no one could take the VIWHUI away without seeming very mean. Very mean. And so it remains. The stats since we started it are encouraging it, despite us currently playing in the second-highest league, not the highest, that being the Premiership.

Games West Ham have played since VIWHUI started ... 422

Games West Ham have won since VIWHUI started ... 165

Games West Ham have drawn (tied)* since VIWHUI started ... 112

Games West Ham have lost since VIWHUI started ... 145**

Games West Ham have played since VIWHUI started in which Terry Baker scored ... 0

* I know this is a painful, confusing, almost treasonous idea to Americans, except for one crap year of ice hockey

** most of those I seem to remember were last year

I still get asked at races how West Ham are doing and where VIWHUI is, and there is an anecdote of another past president Ed A going to London only to be told by some tiresome irk that Americans do not know anything about the Beautiful Game, only for Ed to reply, yes, I do, Paolo di Canio (one of West Ham's greats and oft-mentioned in VIWHUI) and thus was bought a pint as the tiresome irk happened to be a Hammer, so VIWHUI has also down its bit speading World Peace, and by association that means you have, too. Hurrah!

Ed A Knows Much
About
Hammers and Beer

Today, you have to sort of seach for VIWHUI, but it is still there, still proud, on the font page of the the Flyers' Blog, which can be reached by clicking on the Club Communications link on the Home page.

Now I'll just go and update it.

Come on you Irons, as we say at West Ham. Come on you Flyers, read it!
 
-Terence B